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Gdzie ta miłość?
Skarpetka, walizka i dom
Szepty przeszłości. O sztuce, której piękno nie przemija
Sztuka w okruchach, czyli jak zachwycać się na każdym kroku – relacja z Brighton
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Ostatnie wpisy

Gdzie ta miłość?
Skarpetka, walizka i dom
Szepty przeszłości. O sztuce, której piękno nie przemija
Sztuka w okruchach, czyli jak zachwycać się na każdym kroku – relacja z Brighton
Sztuka (nie)dostępna

call.me.kama

welcome to the big little life of mine where nothing ever goes as planned but I use this chaos to write cool stories and get lost in art for fun

#day7942 - graduation i cried, I'm telling you, t

#day7942 - graduation

i cried, I'm telling you, there's no point in hiding it, it's also just kinda obvious that I did. and I'm not talking about all those times when I was crying in an empty library or in my room late at night. I cried when I sat down on my chair in the Brighton Centre hall, seat 28L, ticket with a yellow line, all dressed up in a funny robe and square hat, with my family and friends somewhere in the audience. I'm gonna be VERY cheesy but the fairy lights put on the dark walls around us looked like the stars I talked to so many times over the last three years, searching for the answers or at least a bit of hope when I didn't know what I was doing at all. and now I'm here, finishing uni, even though there was a time when I thought I'd never even make it to the UK.

I just couldn't stop myself 😭

I had fun on my course. Really. I know it's hard to believe and of course it wasn't all sunshine and roses but studying Art History was something I always wanted to do. and with the right people around me, well, I "just" did it!

and now you can call me Kama B.A. 🙃

so go after your dreams kids, you can do it.

#graduation #arthistorygradstudent #sussexuni

#day7933 Wow. So that's how it is when you are ta

#day7933

Wow. So that's how it is when you are taking part in the art fair not just as a visitor but as an EXHIBITOR yourself. I wasn't there with my works tho, don't get all excited, but representing @piwkochudzik at @parallax222 was the most exciting and challenging thing I've done in a long time.

Three days of talking to people about art (with a successful sale of two works!!!!) was exhausting to the limits but I've never had so much fun and met so many amazing artists in such a short time. Thanks everyone for all the conversations, the advice and support. It all turned out sooo fine.

I also got all the insights into the artworld that I could possibly get 👀 And one thing that I can say - art fairs are not for everyone. And it's not that the art you bring there is just gonna sell itself and you can sit down in the corner as people throw their money at you. Also, with that approach, where's all the fun of talking, learning, sharing? Where's the space to inspire, to tell stories?

I loved it so much even though hanging it all by yourself when your hooks are too small and you're too small to reach anything yourself is quite a problem 😂

Here's to my first artist's representative experience. And here's to many more 🥂

#artfair #artrepresentative #parallax #londonartfair

Is that Lily, with her lilies? . #day7873 Lily was

Is that Lily,
with her lilies?
.
#day7873
Lily was my alter ego. I created her in high school when I was writing short stories for the school magazine.

Lily was brave. She was beautiful. She was living so fully and freely, staying true to herself even though life was not easy on her. A hopeless romantic, an unstoppable dreamer, she found her love and reached her goals. Always there to find happiness in little things.

Lily was me. Or at least the version of myself that I have always wanted to be.

You can say that Lily's story is... just a story. But funnily, imagining "myself" as her, on a piece of paper where everything was possible, let me distance myself from everything and see who I really am and who I have the power to be - once I believe I can.

And trust me - written down, everything feels possible.

It's been a while since I wrote about Lily. She stayed in the high school "state" - troubled and insecure about so many things, not in a great mental state. I left her behind, thinking I need it in order to heal. I think I forgot that characters from stories can develop too and that I don't have to leave her in pain forever. She can grow with me. She can help me grow. Like she did before.

I think she deserves a new chapter in her story. Have a go at writing one for your alter ego too!
.
Btw, do you ever want to read some of old Lily? It's cringe but I love it so lmk guys 🌸

#shortstorywriter #sunlightphotography #selfportraitwithflowers #whitelilies

#day7794 #nationaldepressionday #dzieńwalkizdepre

#day7794 #nationaldepressionday #dzieńwalkizdepresją

It’s January 2018. I have a sleepover with my bestie but I am not fully present. I hear people talking to me but the words don’t have meanings. Reality feels heavy. I’m 17 and lost and the only thing I want is to disappear.

It’s December 2019. It’s the first art auction in my city EVER, I’m responsible for making a promotional video during the event. I remember I spent an hour crying before it, because the whole world seemed to be falling apart, I felt like the biggest impostor ever, the future looked all doom and gloom. Even art barely cheered me up this day.

It’s February 2022. I don’t remember that month. I dragged myself through it while trying to deal with emotions I’ve never been through before, waking up with a general feeling of pointlessness. The still cold wind of early spring in my hair was the only thing reminding me of being alive.

It’s me now. I still experience depressive episodes sometimes but they are much shorter and less intense, or maybe I just figured out what to do when the world loses its colours (like getting new cuddly friends for example). I do the things I love, I have amazing people around me, I explore. It’s still hard to get out of bed sometimes but I don’t blame myself for feeling that way.

I know I smile at these photos but you need to know that I’ve always been a good actress. I can’t even say how many times people couldn’t believe that such a bubbly and positive person went through any kind of depression episodes. And today, on the Polish National Fighting Against Depression Day, I just wanted to remind you to check on your most funny and smiley friends, the ones who seem to have their life together and are always there for you. They may be longing for someone to listen to them the most.

In August 2018, I made a short movie I titled “Somebody Will Listen” because I believed somebody would. It was a form of self-therapy, the whole process of putting difficult feelings into words was freeing. Apparently it’s pretty relatable for people. The link’s in bio if you’re in a mood for a 5-minute watch.

Better days are coming. Take care of yourself x

#day7610 Did I wake up at 4 AM to see the sunrise

#day7610

Did I wake up at 4 AM to see the sunrise by the lake and romanticise my life there?

Maybe. Yes.

Well, that’s one of the things that can’t be changed about me: the unstoppable desire to make my life look like a movie. I might have watched too many Disney films, I don’t deny that, but I think that as long as you are aware of the false image of life they create, you’re gonna be fine.

Because life is not going to be movie-perfect all the time. But it can be sometimes. And aren’t we just a sum of moments in our lives?

Like, what is wrong with trying to add some sparkles to reality. We are the ones creating the world around us. I can tell you that doing all of those things that they show on TV or in books that made you go AHHH, brings about the best memories. Doing “not normal” stuff (because who is normally waking up at 4 on their holidays to swim in a cold lake?) or narrating the “scenes” in your head is SO much fun. I do it all the time. Might've just stayed with me after theatre.

And pretending to be the main character? Such a confidence boost, an immediate mood improver. And it’s not about trying to be a prince/ss but about this weird change of perspective on the “bad things” that happen. In real life we call them struggles, in movies they’re a part of character development journey and it helps a lot at times. ‘Cause you know, you DO have your flaws, you DO struggle and maybe you DO hate yourself sometimes, but have you ever thought about the fact that if you were a character in a book, ppl would LOVE you exactly because of all of the weird quirks of yours?

This thinking is a game changer.

But! Someone once told me an important thing about this lifestyle and I think you need to hear it too: it’s all fine as long as you don’t let anyone else play a more important role than you do in this little movie of yours. You lose yourself when it happens. It’s your story after all and if you don’t tell it yourself, someone else will.

Now, go look at the stars in the garden. Put on loud music and go for a ride with your friends at night. Dance on a street. Roll down that hill, whatever. Go, add some sparkles here and there. You’ll tell me about it later.

#day7597 So, when I saw it’s the 10th of August

#day7597

So, when I saw it’s the 10th of August, I thought it’s probably the high time for a summer semester photo dump. Like literally now or never.

But guys, there is a story behind these photos. They all exist only because of ONE small, seemingly trivial decision that I made on the freezing early March evening, eating pizza on my bed after a hard day at uni, feeling a bit hopeless, can’t lie.

It’s not easy to decide on whom you are going to live with FOR THE WHOLE YEAR after meeting them just once over drinks, but at the time I was already SO annoyed by the whole looking-for-flatmates process that I just wanted to choose, that’s all. And I simply went with something that felt right.

You know, I’ve never been the kind of person that had a huge group of friends. I kinda even enjoyed being a wallflower at any social event (these rare times when I was actually invited somewhere), I got used to doing things mostly by myself and having an opinion of that shy little girl.

And even when I got way more confident and outgoing at uni, I still couldn’t find my people. I felt like I’m not belonging, like it’s not my place.

Hey, but I’m not a quitter. I didn’t want it to stay like this.

And as you can maybe see, after an infinite number of failed attempts to find myself a group of friends, they came themselves. When I decided to just be myself and go for the things that feel right with the people that I click with, I got what I was looking for. People I’m comfortable with, that don’t make me question my worth (and we're gonna live together!)

So I’m telling you now: one decision can change your life, just as choosing one group of flatmates over the other changed mine. The thing is not to stop making the decisions until you get what you’re looking for.

Funny how close I was to not having it all haha *nervous laugh*

I guess I’m writing all of this for the people out there that feel lost and lonely, but also as a reminder for myself that if I ever feel lost and lonely in my life again, I’ll remember this sweet summertime in Brighton when I was the happiest I’ve ever been.

I can’t keep these people forever. But they make life feel good now.

K.

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